When I finally woke up it was already past 8:00 pm, I was lying on a hospital bed. Several hours had passed since I visited the clinic that morning. I wondered what had happened to me those 12 hours that I had been unconscious. I could remember clearly that I was well that morning and the reason for visiting the clinic was to begin my pre-natal care. My doctor boyfriend had suggested this clinic because it belonged to his colleague and that he would take good care of me. As I sat up my head was heavy. So many thoughts crossed my mind. I tried hard to remember my last conversation with the doctor before I fell unconscious. Beside me was a roll of tissue and under the bed was a basin with huge blood clots. Though I couldn't figure out what had happened, something inside me was slowly confirming my worst fears. When I finally put two and two together, my heart sank… My baby was gone! How it happened was something I’d soon have to come terms with.
The door opened and the father of my baby walked in. Too disoriented and in shock, I didn’t know what to say! I didn’t know where to begin! The whole episode was like a dream to me and both of us were in two different worlds. He took me by the hand but I declined. Knowing what was best for him at that moment he simply said that it was time to go home. I silently sank into the car seat and as we drove home. There was a tangible silence in the car, which spoke of what had instantly become of the relationship that once was, and sadly, a baby that once lived. The turmoil in me was interrupted when the car came to stop. I slowly opened the door and dragged myself out. No goodbyes, no nothing. A chapter had closed, and another one had opened, one that would re-define my life forever.
I was 21 years old when I was introduced to this renowned doctor who I later had an affair with, by a close and trusted elderly relative. I was a deposit ransom to this well to do and well-connected doctor so that he can find my close relative a job. Since I had been introduced to him by a trusted elderly relative I trusted him in my innocence and therefore did not see any red lights. I thought that by agreeing to this ‘arranged’ relationship I was helping my relative to get a job which she desperately needed. I walked right into the trap.
Being so young and naïve about relationship matters sex made me an easy prey to this doctor. He calculated every move and posed as a gentleman who cared. We went out for evening dates and nights out, and he would also plan for trips out of town for just the two of us. I did not need to seek permission from home since my guardian was the one who arranged this relationship. It was exciting at that time since no man had treated me in that manner. I felt loved and appreciated rather than lied to and used which I came to learn later that it was what he was doing to me.
A few weeks after the good times I missed my periods. When I told my boyfriend about it, since he was a doctor, he soothed me and told me that it is normal, especially when it’s the first sexual encounter. So I relaxed, but as time went by it was so evident that things were not right. I became weary of the suspicion that I was pregnant, so I decided to share what I was slowly coming to a conclusion of with this trusted relative. She advised me to keep the baby and if anyone in the family pressured me about it I could run away and get married to this man. All this time my boyfriend had gone quiet on me.
One afternoon I received a phone call from an unknown caller. A woman’s voice was on the other end and she introduced herself as my boyfriend's wife. I was so shocked because neither my boyfriend nor my relative had told me that he was married. I knew that no matter how much I tried to explain myself she would not believe me, and understandably so, so I just sat there and listened to her speak. I was helpless and defenseless, I felt so cheated and used. I felt so sinful to have come between a man and his wife.
I also learnt later that my relative had colluded with my boyfriend and his colleague in planning my abortion. My boyfriend lied to me that he was taking me to his trusted doctor friend to begin my ante-natal care but in reality he had told the doctor to sedate me once I was on the bed and procure the abortion. My relative’s lie that I could run away and get married to the doctor was to calm me down and get me to trust my boyfriend when he came to pick me up. This is how I got myself to the clinic that fateful day.
After the abortion, I hated myself for being easy prey; for allowing myself to be lied to and used. I became such an angry and bitter person. I felt such a deep sense of loss, sorrow and grief. I cried so much and felt so empty. This pain and emptiness drove me to get hooked to masturbation which made me feel better for a while but I knew that I was doing the wrong thing. I knew that I desperately needed help.
One day I heard the Pearls and Treasures team talking about the effects of abortion on radio and I could relate with everything they said. I knew that I needed to get in touch with them. I was put in a support group and it was such a relief meeting other people who understood my pain and did not judge me. I finally found hope for my ailing soul. I was able to find healing and forgiveness, and also forgave those who violated and abused me. I now work at Pearls and Treasures helping other women facing the pain and regret of abortion to find healing and restoration. I also boldly share my story publicly so that others may not fall into the trap of dating married men, and the trap of abortion.